I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
