I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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