take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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