just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
