i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
