so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
