Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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