Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
