I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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