I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
