Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
