im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
