VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
