We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
