Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
