Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
