I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
