whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
