The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there was a trapeze. enough said
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
And then he peed in my hair
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
