did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
