you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize