I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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