so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize