I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
