Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
