I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
