A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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