oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
