I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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