If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
