thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
