true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
