I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
