I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
