I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
