That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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