pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
