I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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