Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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