all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
