They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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