fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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