what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
