you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
