Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize