Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
