She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
