I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
