Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
