Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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