Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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