I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
