im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
