I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
