HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
