Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
