So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
