I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
