At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
