I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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