The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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