Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize