There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
