Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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