That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
