I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
